Thursday, February 23, 2012

My new fancy mirror, and why Scott will probably turn into a lizard.

Nieman Marcus is coming to live with me.  Which is a huge deal, considering we're not allowed to have nice things in our house.  Even the higher-quality shitty furniture in our possession quickly becomes a huge crumby pile of crap once it's had the misfortune of being placed inside our home.  Even still, something from Nieman Marcus, something that poor people can't afford, is coming to live with me.  In the form of an evil, Snow White-esque, magic mirror.
Probably.  The actual levels of evil and magic haven't been properly tested yet, but rest assured I will update you the very second it opens up a portal to hell...

Scott: I just picked up a mirror, and the paper says "destroy in field." It's from Nieman Marcus. I'm gonna have to look at it and see what's wrong with it. 

Me: The fuck? Why would you destroy it in a field? Seems like an odd request of a delivery man. Can't Nieman Marcus destroy their own mirrors?

Scott: I don't know. Can't destroy it in the street, or a building...

Me: Well of course not. We're not barbarians. 

Scott: If it's a neat frame, we could put new glass in it for a few dollars.

Me: And go against the wishes of Nieman Marcus?!?!?

Scott: Yes! 

Me: Maybe their definition of "destroy" is somewhat liberal. Being a piece of fancy furniture in our home surely qualifies as destruction on some level...

Scott: Haha. 

Me: What if they want it destroyed because of its evil powers?!

Scott: They didn't put that on the pick up order...

Me: Well of course not. They didn't know whether you were a regular delivery man, or an evil henchman. Of course they lied.

Scott: Haha. 

Me: Bring me that evil mirror. I'm going to ask it who's or my half-sisters.

Scott: It's you. 

Me: Yeah, I thought so. But having it confirmed by an evil mirror makes it undeniable.

I'm pretty sure that "It's you" comment was just an attempt at keeping me from trying to use my new magic mirror to turn him into some kind of lizard.  But the gesture was nice.  And if it turns out he was lying, then at least I'll have a pretty cool, high-class piece of Nieman Marcus-ware to display in the living room where his picture used to hang.  And my pretty sisters can fight over Lizard-Scott.  


  1. hehehehe must post a picture - maybe one of your readers is an evil-mirror-evilness-gauging expert.

    1. I should! Of course, it's been sitting in my room for the past several months, because our house doesn't have any walls strong enough to hold this gargantuan thing. So now it's covered in paint spatter, which as I understand it, negates any evil sorcery that might have been housed within :D