I am grumpy. Here is some ice cream. IT IS TOO ICE CREAM.

I'm too grumpy and tired to write about anything important.  I'm officially running on the fumes of what little sleep the insomnia allows me lately.  The good news is, I will have Schwarzenegger thighs by the time I finally do get a good night's rest, since I have suddenly developed an absurd case of RLS. 

Here's hoping I don't sprout a penis...

Long story short, if that's possible here, I have had some recent health scares that gently persuaded me to hop back on the "green" train, and re-rid myself of loads of needless chemicals in my daily life. 

Which means laying off the gorgeous-smelling perfume-y shampoos, laden with poisonous cocktails, and going back to plain old baking soda and essential oils.
I still smell gorgeous, only now I don't have to rub foamy cancer directly into my scalp to get there. 

VINEGAR VOODOO!

There is much voodoo in our house again.  Baking soda on the teeth, hydrogen peroxide in the ears, vinegar in the hair.  And...everywhere else in the house. 
It's crunchy, it's "hippie", and it makes me happy.  So there.

If you're not quite ready to sew yourself a menstrual pad and replace your face wash with oatmeal and baking soda, you can still tag along with this really tasty "ice cream" I've come up with.
As always, nothing is measured, since measuring is for wieners.

Step one:  Get yourself a food processor

Step two:  Get yourself some frozen fruit.  I like bananas and strawberries.  I buy the berries already frozen (Costo has a great big bag for somewhere around $9) and I freeze the bananas myself.  We get the big bags of "almost gone" bananas at the store, and I chop them up and freeze them in one of those "food saver" machines.

Step three:  Cocoa and cream.  Those things are kind of optional.  I added some plain old cocoa powder to a bit of cream last night, and let it sit overnight in the fridge.  Personally, I think it's better without the cocoa, but there was a pre-menstrual part of my brain helping me to make my grocery decisions this week.

Step four:  Grind up that fruit!  Put in in your fancy new food processor machine, and beat the shit out of like it stole your car.  Sometimes it takes a few minutes to get it to the right consistency, and I normally have to stop the machine two or three times to press it down, so the chunks get nice and destroyed.

Step five:  Add your cream and cocoa, and continue to mechanically abuse the food.

 

When everything is nice and ice creamy, and looks like this, spoon that shit into a container and keep it in the freezer! 

Congratulations!  You are now the proud owner of a pretty damn good substitute for fruity ice cream!  Now, RUB IT ON UR FACE!!!  

I mean.  I guess it could do some good...
I'm just gonna eat mine, tho.  But whatever.