Monday, March 25, 2013

Why today sucks, and requires *this* many swear words.

It's not a good day.

It's not even a bad day.

As a matter of fact, fuck this whole day.  In the ear.

It started off with a general grumpiness that wafted its way thru our entire family.
Both kids argued over video games.  Dad argued over video games.  Everyone wanted to play, and no one wanted to share.

Then it escalated when it was time for Dad to leave for work, and for the kids and I to start our school time.  We usually watch an hour-long video about frontier living, move on to journals, and then the little one does a few various worksheets while her brother does his GED courses online.

Today's schooling, however, was met with loud, exasperated sighs, and rolling eyes.  They sat watching the video as if I were making them watch someone simultaneously giving birth and eating warm dog shit.  Their disgust was immediate, and they wanted me to know it.  The little one even went so far as to hide her entire body under a stuffed animal, to show me just how much she was NOT watching that goddamned video.   Behold their amazing display below...

Oh my gawd, mawm, this is stupid.  Let me show
you what I mean by way of my facial expression!

Finally, I put an end to it, and told them to "just do what you want for a while," and we all went to our separate corners.
Well, I went to my separate corner.  They plopped down on the couch like the boneless fat people from Wall-E, and proceeded to play an hour of Minecraft.
Highly productive, successful homeschool.

My son had previously asked about having a friend over later, and I told him we'd "see how the day goes."  He must have remembered that statement, because I heard him start prompting his sister to start her journal assignment, and he began cleaning the kitchen top to bottom without being asked first.
I don't know of any teenager who does things like that without being asked first...

Sure enough,
"Hey, Mawm.  Can I see about going out with my friend tonight?"

I'm sure my raised eyebrows were enough of an answer, but instead I replied with a short and to-the-point "no way.  We weren't able to do school today, so there will be no running around and visiting."

Why, such an accusation!  He looked at me as if I were drunk and proclaimed his innocence over the lack of school, insisting that it was his sister, and not he, who behaved like a hyperventilating heathen when we tried to watch our video.

Of course he didn't like my sticking to my "no," which I still don't understand.  These kids have known me long enough to know that if my "no" is going to change to a "yes," it does so immediately, and continuing to harp on the subject will result in nobody getting anything they've asked for.  Dammit.

Then he called his grandmother to ask if they could sleep over.  Because everyone knows that if Mom sucks, Grandma is the anti-suck.  He sat there on the phone with his arms folded, speaking to his Granny.
"Ooohhh, nothing," he said, "just been sittin' around playing video games all day."

REALLY?  Because it's not bad enough that people think homeschooling is a crazy, lazy, tin-foil-hat thing that weird people do with their kids.  You have to go and reassure your grandma that we're pretty much sitting around on our stupid asses all day, hooked up to the stupid-box, and ensuring a lifetime of drooling idiocy.  Thanks, kid.

And then, the final slap-in-the-face.

Brooding, huffy teenager comes into the room where I am, and begins wandering around aimlessly.  A sure sign that he's about to say something he knows is monumentally offensive, and will probably warrant another week's worth of grounding.

"Hey...Mawm?  What would we have to do to get me back into public school?"

I don't have a clever picture to put here, but you probably heard the sound of my fucking head exploding from your house.

After all the stupid nonsense and drama we went thru in making the decision to homeschool...after planning field trips and fun family outings, and ensuring him that this meant we trusted him enough to take it seriously, this little ingrate wants to drop this steaming turd of a question in my lap.

He didn't like my response, (which consisted of me glaring, and saying "leave this room right now.")  He vanished into the recesses of his bedroom, I'm assuming to write me a lovely "thank-you" note for all my hard work in raising him for the past sixteen years.

I did take a cue, however, from his half-truth confessional to his grandmother.  I immediately turned off the TV for the rest of the day, and declared it to be "reading time" all around.   The little one went off to her room to choose a book, and I selected one from our bookshelf for the big one.  Upon handing him said book, he immediately rolled his eyes, head, and body in a dazzling display of teenage angst, and took the book out of my hands as if it weighed 500 pounds.

(The Hardy Boys, by the way.  It's a goddamn paperback that he could probably read in less than a day.)

So here is my salute to today, this bastard fuckface of a day.  This nails-on-a-chalkboard, shit-splatter of a horrendous day.   
Go eff yourself, Today.  With a fork.  In the neck.  Because you suck.  

Now the rationality.
Teenagers are selfish.  And mean.  And purposely cruel to their frazzled parents.  Even the good ones.
I have a good one.  I know I do.  And I'll do well to remember that the next time I see some horror show on the news, about some lunatic kid who lights kittens on fire, or throws his whole family irretrievably down a well.  
He's a good kid.
He's just a teenager.  And therefore, he is an enormous asshole sometimes.

Like, say, today for example.  *grumble*  

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