Sunday, March 24, 2013

Expectation vs. Reality

My circle of friends and family is filled with culinary artists.  People who take ordinary food, and morph into amazing displays of cuisine fit for a king.

And then there's me...
Gordon Ramsey would have me caned to death, if he ever set foot in my kitchen.  It's bad.  There are literally scorch marks on my wall behind the stove, because I apparently don't have the necessary cooking skills required to avoid catastrophe.  Nobody has yet perished from my glorious lack of culinary ability, but that may indeed be due to the fact that I don't make it a habit of cooking for other people.  When it's time for a large family potluck, I'm always the "mashed potatoes" person.  I'm told it's because I make good ones.  I believe it's because nobody is brave enough to eat anything else I make.  And rightly so.

I came across a recipe on my newsfeed.  Something sweet and sinful, and something requiring ingredients that we regularly keep in the house in plentiful supply. 

Chocolate cobbler:
Great for any chocolate fix

2 stk butter
1 1/4 c sugar
1 1/2 c self rising flour
1 tsp vanilla
3/4 c milk
1 c sugar
6 Tbsp cocoa powder
2 c boiling water


1 Preheat oven to 350. In a 9x13 glass baking dish, melt the two sticks of butter in the oven.

2 Meanwhile in a bowl, mix together the 1 1/4cups of sugar, flour, vanilla and milk. Once the butter is melted pour the batter over the butter, but do not stir.

3 In a separate bowl mix together the cocoa and remaining sugar.

4 Sprinkle cocoa/sugar mixture on top of batter. Do not stir.

5 Pour the 2 cups of boiling water on top of that (don't stir) and bake for 30-45 minutes. I bake mine until I have a nice golden brown crust. In my oven this usually take about 35 minutes. Serve warm. Great with ice cream

Don't I look fucking delicious for such a seemingly simple, albeit weird recipe?  

Ok, so the boiling water was weird.  I've never come across something like that before.  But what do I know?

Upon mixing everything, we (yeah, we...he least I don't have to take the blame for the whole thing...) we realized that the dough was looking a little thick-ish.  Seems weird.  But what do I know?
We "poured" to the best of our ability, and ended up with several large lumps of what looked like paper mache.  Then we covered the whole thing in cocoa and sugar, and pondered whether or not we were indeed in the midst of a practical joke.  

Forty minutes later...

"This doesn't look like the picture..."  

It looks like one of the first few horrifying diapers we changed when the teenager was a newborn...weird, watery, and in no way resembling something you're aching to put in your mouth.

The good news is, the taste is much more appealing than a watery infant shit.
If you can get past the strange, half-liquid consistency, it's pretty awesome over ice cream.

Google and good friends have since informed me that you can make due with all purpose flour by making a few simple adjustments.
But until then, I'll just eat this runny chocolate gruel.  Nom.

Give it a try, and let me know how it turns out when prepared in the kitchen of someone who knows what the hell they're doing!  

1 comment:

  1. Oh dear. Come over and I will teach you how to not get caned by Gordon Ramsey. Unless you'd like him to cane you. He is pretty hot...