Wednesday, October 5, 2011

A Blog-like thing.


Bitch I will cut you.

A completely unflattering emotion.

I suppose it makes sense.  The fear of losing something or someone that we love desperately, turns into anger, and sometimes makes us react poorly.  Understandably, I suppose...none of us want to lose the things we most cherish.  It isn't pretty, and it isn't easy to get around.

"You will leave me.
Someone else you suddenly deem more valuable, will step in and fill my place in your life.  I will be downsized.  I will be tossed out.  I will be left without you.  You, who I adore, who I value, who I treasure.  You will move forward, and I will be left behind, replaced by a better version.  These are the things I fear, that cause me to behave irrationally, in the form of jealousy."

It seems easy enough, all banged out in bold text, offering a rational explanation for what feels so unhinged inside.  It seems easy enough to pinpoint the root of the fear, or the insecurity.

Reality, however, is often very different.
In reality, the jealousy shows itself in the form of accusations, defensiveness and anger.  Ugliness.  The complete opposite of love.  It's called "the green monster" for a reason.

I know people on both sides of the fence.  People who have been able to overcome the emotion entirely, and live what seems like the most liberating and refreshing life imaginable.
And the reverse...people whose lives are completely ruled by jealousy, and all it's repercussions.
I know which side of the fence I would like to be on, obviously.
And it's easier said than done, obviously.

Whether a person is on the giving or the receiving end of jealousy, doesn't seem to matter.  It sucks, either way.  It sucks to feel accused.  It sucks equally to feel replaced.
Shitty feelings, from a shitty emotion, that in reality, is nothing more than fear.

                                                                 That didn't sound like your sister on the phone...

This post will be jealous of all the posts before it that don't suck...

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