I'll outlast all of you.

I consider myself to be a fairly rational, and collected person.
Until I'm not.

When I feel attacked or singled out in an unflattering light, when my feelings are hurt or ignored, when promises are broken, in those moments, I feel like a lunatic.  Out of control.

I despise it.  Intensely.  And, it shows.
I'm not proud of it.  I'm not happy about it...

Nor am I happy about being told that I'm unhealthy, or hinting to the fact that I am less valuable as a fat person, than I was a a thin person.  The size of my ass has nothing to do with my character, or even, heaven forbid, my health.  I'm one of the healthiest people I know.  My intake of processed food is minimal, and I don't hose myself in chemical cocktails and artificial foam, hoping for the illusion of "clean."  I don't load myself full of Frankenstein tobacco, or gorge on booze, and then try to point the finger outward.
Fuck you, I'll outlast all of you.

Nor am I happy about being told that, had I been raised with my father, I might have turned out a little more like my sister, "instead of..."
Instead of what?  Instead of a woman who has raised two of the most amazing kids in creation, despite a nightmarish upbringing?  A woman with confidence and poise, unashamed to speak her mind, yet always doing so with dignity and respect for everyone  involved?  A woman certain of what she will, and will not tolerate?
Oh, the shame.

Nor am I happy when I can't count on those closest to me to keep their word, to stand next to what they've promised, without fail.

I don't like feeling like this.  I don't like writing like this, and I don't like sounding like this.  I don't like it.  And I don't like feeling like an asshole when I stand up and let people know these things about me.

I don't like feeling like I'm not a fairly rational, and collected person.