Friday, November 30, 2012

A Senseless Waste of Your Time.

Last night, after being in a terrible school bus accident, I tended to some repair work, and then attended a spectacular and hilarious drag show.   And told my husband all about it.  

While sleeping.

He said I did something on the bookshelf, and when he asked me what I was doing, I said I was "fixing the thing."  Followed by, "THAT IS THE BIGGEST WIG I HAVE EVER SEEN."

wigs are enormous in

And then I laughed like a maniacal serial killer.  Because sleep-time repairs and enormous drag-show wigs aren't quite creepy enough.

This isn't new.  I've done strange, lunatic-y things in my sleep since I was a little kid.  Once I got up and made a salt sandwich in the kitchen, and opened up the back door, before going back to bed.  And I tell myself that I went back to bed, because believing I opened the back door and actually wandered around outside is too scary to consider.  Evidently, crippling fear of the Boogeyman is moot when a person is sleepwalking...

These days, I'm told, I do silly things in our laying out every item of clothing I own, or mumbling creepy gibberish about being able to "see them."

How that man sleeps contently next to me every night, I will never know.  Although, he does sleep with a big Rambo knife tucked into his side of the bed, and he keeps two loaded guns on his side of the room.  Hmm...

The clown has NO penis!
This is normally not so humiliating.  Once I did walk out into our living room when we had company staying on the couch, and that was somewhat traumatic, since I was stark naked.  But I hear he is recovering nicely, and is able to eat solid food again, so, no harm done, I guess.

And at least I don't have one of those spouses who likes to videotape all the dumb shit their partner does, and put it all over the internet.

I don't really have a reason for posting any of that today, other than I like the idea of having an excuse to share the Step Brothers' sleepwalking video.  NO!  NO!

As you were.  


  1. FYI Beth dose some of the sleep walking stuff to. Once she went into the kitchen got a box of cereal and came out sat down next to me eating it. It was not difficult to figure out that she was sleep walking and eating.
    My boy Robert has also done some sleep walking. I put a 2nd chain on the door when he was little to keep him in the apartment at night. So you see as far as the family go's your not alone.

  2. Once Dad and Beth stayed with us after a party, and in the middle of the night I heard her in the kitchen, and went in to see what she was doing. She was standing there, wrapped in a sheet, with the burner on the stove, cooking potato chips over the flame and eating them. My favorite story of her :D