Tuesday, October 23, 2012

A great big mommy

Bedtime is hugging time.  Well, honestly, when you're around me, anytime is hugging time.  But around here, at bedtime, it's time to hug.  Sometimes just once, just a little, and sometimes lots.  Big ones.  Many.

My sweet daughter had a particularly rough day, and needed lots.
None of her friends wanted to play.
She lost her homework.
She had a tummy ache.
When you're seven, that makes for a pretty crumby day, indeed.

At bedtime, we had our usual "girl-talk," and she asked me about hula dancing.  And grass skirts. And coconut bras.  We talked about girl scouting, and the origin of prunes.  She lazily poked the plumpness of my upper arm, as she propped herself up on her willowy, bony little one.

We are contrast.

And then, hugging.  Lots, and lots of hugging.  And lots more.  She rested her little head against my shoulder, and stretched her arms as far around me as she could reach.  My bulk swallowed her up, my large arms folded around her like two overstuffed pillows.
And she sighed in contentment.

"Oh, my wee little baby girl," I crooned into her sweaty little head.
She pinched fat on either side of me, and squeezed.  Squeezed hard, as if making a mental note of all the hills and valleys that spread themselves across my trunk.  Her rotten day seemed to vanish into the folds of my flesh, and she sighed, "oh, my great big mommy."

And, I could have cried.  Never have more honest, endearing, and love-filled words been spoken to me.  Never have such heartfelt sentiments been expressed for my very large, very soft collection of flesh.  Never have I felt so truly appreciated.

And truly, truly proud to be a great, soft, fat woman.

She doesn't care if my hips are like two fleshy shelves.  She doesn't care if my arms wiggle, or my thighs rub together when I walk.  Or sit.  Or stand.  Or...exist.  She doesn't care if my grand, soft belly is painted from top to bottom with stretch marks.  I am her great, big mommy.  I am her soft place to fall when the world leaves her vulnerable.  I am her safety net, woven with great mounds of flesh.

My own day wasn't all that sunshine-y, either.  But feeling such a genuine appreciation for my person, from someone so very special to me, reminds me of what I already know, but need lots and lots of help to remember sometimes...

Fatness is not weakness.  It isn't ugly.  It isn't less.  It isn't bad.

Fuck hip bones.  I am a great big mommy.

19 comments:

  1. Love you Sugar.Just as you are.

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  2. Thank you for this. I need to remember this more. I get so caught up in my self-hatred, I forget to even consider any other opinions. I never think of what my children see when they look at me, because I am to involved in hating what I see in the mirror. I MUST CHANGE THAT.

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  3. Suri, it has been a lifelong, and ongoing process for me. I sincerely hope that you are able to begin to see the incredible beauty that you possess. <3
    Thank you so much for your feedback :)

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  4. Beautiful! Isn't it wonderful how the honest words of a child can be so true, so comforting, and so loving?

    I'm just getting to the point of body acceptance and my children are a big part of that. To them, there is no perfect body appearance to worry about, just the comfort of a mother's embrace.

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    1. Thanks, Laura!
      I think it also helps to be surrounded with positive and supportive people, and to realize that I am seen as attractive, not in spite of my weight, but sometimes because of it. :) There are just too many bodies on the planet for all of us to be the same size!

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  5. Oh I gotta great big lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. This makes me proud to be a great big mommy too. Thank you, Tara--new fan.

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    1. Thank you, sincerely, Tara. I am so glad you enjoyed it. :)

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  6. I love squishy hugs! The best people in the world are huggable marshmallows. Those hard bodies are hard asses. I would rather have a nice pillowy hug anyday. Take care and love yourself and your little ones. My Mom always hated herself and I hated her cause she was really mean and abusive, especially cause she didn't eat anything her latest diet didn't tell her to eat. Love yourself and your body.They are incredible miracles is what I say. My best friend's Mom was nice and taught me to accept love through her daughter who was always hugging me. I learned to accept love and hugs through them. I am now looking for a partner who will hug me and I do not want someone who values working out more than acceptance of humanity and is all about themselves and how they look. It has to be a natural part of their life...and who they are inside their heart.

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    1. It sounds like you and I can relate. <3 Welcome!

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  7. I'm so glad The Kitchen Witch shared this post and introduced me to your point of view and wonderful writing!

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    1. I'm glad she did, too! And I'm glad you're here!

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  8. Thank you <3 I am tearful and smiling.

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    1. Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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  9. Awww, I LOVE THIS!!! Like...so so infinity much. :) I am also a great big soft squishy Mummy. :) And this just made me smile the whole time I was reading it. Still smiling, in fact. Besides, aren't Mummies more comfy when we're a little bit...upholstered? Hahaha...I believe that's how my sister once put it.

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    1. HAH! "Upholstered!" I love that :D Thank you for your kind words, Laura!

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