Monday, July 9, 2012

I am a disgusting person.

I am not a cook.  I do not enjoy cooking, I am not skilled at cooking, and I do not enjoy all of the things that go along with cooking. Like, dirty dishes.  Because, I am not a housekeeper, either.  I do not enjoy cleaning.  Once every month or so, I will get a little OCD, and decide that everything has to be scrubbed sterile.  Other than that, I do the bare minimum, so that we don't become swallowed up in our own filth.  My house is cluttered.  And dusty.  But it is full of happy, healthy people, who enjoy life, rather than fretting over whether or not our house is pristine enough to be featured in Good Housekeeping.

And my oven, because I despise cleaning, and fail at cooking, is frightening.  Husband has taken it upon himself to clean it, perhaps four times, in the ten years we have lived here, and owned that oven.

Thank you, Husband.  We might be alive today because of your thorough scrubbing of our gross oven.

The same, however, can not be said for the broiler.

Good, good god.

Yeah.  This is really it.  Yes, those are really roasting vegetables that I plan on serving for dinner tonight.

I don't have words.

There are literally dust bunnies in there.  All that gray shit is built up dust, because an air-conditioning duct blows up from the floor, directly in front of my oven.

I don't know what that smear of stuff is on the door, but if I had to venture a guess, it would be dog shit.  Someone had to have smeared dog shit on my broiler door.  Or vomit.  Or herpes.

The rest appears to be charred bits of food, crumbs that have fallen from the oven itself, and asbestos.

So.  Here is the picture of the horrifying place in which I am currently cooking food to feed to my children.

I think this should officially be the last meal that's prepared in this dungeon of terror, and hopefully, my public humiliation will be enough to encourage me to clean it.

And I hope a few of you will be encouraged to send me pictures of your disgusting house secrets, so that I don't feel so weird and alone.  Maybe I'll compile them all into a filthy, stomach-churning blog, so that we can all feel a little more connected to one another thru our god-awful habits.

Lordy.  I need to lie down.  (Said the person who just ate food cooked in my broiler.)


  1. My microwave is my dirty little secret!

    BTW I just found your blogs today...LOVE them!!

  2. Thank you so much! I should probably go ahead and admit that I haven't cleaned that gross broiler at all since that post. I'm almost scared to open it :P

    1. LOL!! Well I think about cleaning my microwave every time I open it...I've pinned 'miracle clean!!!' pins on Pinterest...but somehow it never gets done!

    2. I tried the water/vinegar remedy for my embarrassing microwave, and it got *most* of it off. With little effort, which I like. However, I don't think anything I use will remove the petrified mystery splatters on the very top of the microwave. I consider those built-in-flavor-enhancers.