Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Why I'm high in front of my kids.

This has been the bulk of my day.   If you haven't read it, it's a link to my previous entry, Zig-Zag Rainbow, which is a very detailed, very in-the-moment description of what it's like when I experience a severe migraine attack.
Resembling stroke, these attacks are raw, violent, and most of the time, extremely terrifying.  Every time, I become sure that I will never recover, and am forever doomed to live my life in some kind of sensory-confused, hallucinatory hell.  I don't wish such a thing upon anyone.

But this isn't about the nightmare experience of suffering thru migraine.
This is about the "after."
The post-migraine euphoria.

Once the blindness is gone, once the pain has finally stopped,  once my limbs find their way back to their correct places on my body, an almost excruciating relief creeps in, and my entire being is absolutely high.

I feel a definite softness in every part of my body.  Even my feet feel as if they've been shrouded in cotton.  My head buzzes with a peaceful excitement, and a giddy relief that the attack is over, and that I found my way back out of the strange, dark migraine tunnel once again.
My stomach finally returning to normal, food never tastes as good as it does in this stage.  Even something as simple as this pear feels and tastes glorious...those little bits of sugary grit, the texture dazzling, the sweetness dancing circles on my tongue.
Everything will taste this good today.  Even my ice water is clear and sweet, against the insides of my cheeks.

My arms and legs, having tensed to the point of exhaustion during the attack, are finally rubbery and content, in a way that I can only experience after extreme exertion.

My brain is warm and happy, and I truly believe that nothing could possibly be greater than the sensation of not being in pain.  I am giddy.  I am relieved.  I am exhausted and happy, thoughts all swirly and warm.  I am high.

If not slightly slow, and somewhat tongue-tied, as evident from the choppy, lame attempt above to tell you what I'm feeling.
But I'll certainly take it.  

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